I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My faith impacts every aspect of my life today, but it wasn't always that way. Being molested led me to doubt God and doubt his love for me. I walked away from Christianity for a while and studied many eastern religions and philosophies. I wanted a religion or a god that would protect me from all forms of harm and abuse. I felt like the Christian God had failed me.
Life was very dark during those years and walking a God did not make my troubles go away but multiplied them. As a young adult, I decided that I owed it to my parents to try to go to church again. This part of my life was a half in half out kind of faith. I went to church on Sundays and chanted Hare Krishna on weekdays. I prayed and read scriptures but also did vision boards and crystal grids all kinds of strange worldly things. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't happy. I was afraid of the world. I was afraid of being harmed and always seeking safety and security in worldly things yet never feeling truly safe inside myself.
One Christmas Eve, a pastor said if anyone wanted to give their life over to Jesus Christ, we could say a prayer in our hearts to do so. I realized that never in my life had I given my life over to Christ. I hadn't trusted Him. My heart reflected on how God was the creator of the whole universe and how He knew me and all of His children and provided His Son to be our Savior to atone for our sins. Me, with all my focus and intention had not made my life any happier and I didn't feel any safer or at peace. I decided that I had done all I could do and I needed to trust the Lord of the Universe to create a new life and a new heart for me. I said a prayer in my heart and gave my life over to Christ that night.
Since then, I have become a new person, with a new heart and new desires. It has been a slow yet miraculous process like a gentle cascading sunrise. Miraculously, sins and habits that consumed my time and attention became repulsive to me and my desires, thoughts and habits changed. Even more slowly, my heart has been and is still being mended by the Prince of Peace. I am learning what true safety feels like and means. He guides me by the hand day by day. He is with me in every trial. He frees me from sin and covers me with His grace. He is my shelter from the storm, my shade in the heat of the day, my fortress and strong tower. He is my shepherd which bring my wandering heart to Him.
I am grateful for the light of Christ and the Holy Spirit which teaches me the truth of all things. I am grateful for the Holy Scriptures including the Book of Mormon which teach of Christ and of His atonement for all God's children. I am grateful for my husband in being patient with me in my transformation process.
I invite you to learn of Christ and give your life over to Him. Through Him, you can be healed of every harm. He came to bind up the broken hearted and set the captives free, and He can do that for you. He is still calling out, "Come unto me all ye who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." It isn't too late. There is still peace and rest and hope to be found in the loving arms of Christ.
To connect with the Creator, creation (in all its forms), community and self. To see as Christ sees. To love as Christ loves. To live each day as an act of devotion.
A soft heart, cleansed from worry, doubt, fear, anger and resentment.
A heart softened by the infinite grace of God.
To be transformed from the inside out by the Sprit of the Lord.
To become a kindhearted and compassionate person.
To perform every action as a devotion to God.
To love God by loving and serving His children.
Daily, giving my heart over to God and submitting to His will.